You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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