is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
