Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
