if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
