Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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