you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
