you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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