new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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