he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
