That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
