Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
