A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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