fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
