i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
zippers are such a cool invention
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
