Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
