So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
