i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
