the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
