Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
