I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
