You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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