dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
