And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
