It's Friday. Sex?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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