So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
