that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
