So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
