Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
