walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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