We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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