the day after is always just damage control
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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