This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
