new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
