my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
