roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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