The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Actions speak louder than pants.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
