so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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