So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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