Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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