is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
