So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
