did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
