i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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