He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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