do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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