i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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