I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
