why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
