if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
