Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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