I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
