Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
