Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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