is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
